I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
