i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
