im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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