when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
