yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
