on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
