Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
