if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize