she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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