It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
