We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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