My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
