just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
