Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
