I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I love you. Go after that dick
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
