so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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