Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize