Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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