Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
