I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
