i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
