the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize