Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
