She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
