totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize