HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
