Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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