Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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