If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
