Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
