Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
