I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
