just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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