a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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