If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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