He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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