I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
