I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
