dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
