I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
