You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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