I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
