my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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