I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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