The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
