Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
