He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
