you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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