Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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