She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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