any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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