I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
