the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
