Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
