Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
