If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
