is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
