I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
