All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
