I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
