I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
