The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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