Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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