forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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