Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to make out with him forever
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
