I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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