can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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