Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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