Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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