I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
