I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
