You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
