My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
