so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Girls should come with a carfax report
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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