This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
