I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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