The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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