So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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