So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
