Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
