JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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