just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
