My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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