Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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