the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
