I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
