forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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