my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
