Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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