Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize