Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
