Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
