I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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