I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
