suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
