she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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