you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
