i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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