I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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