my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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