i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
