i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
