you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize