bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
