After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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