is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
