I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
