She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
