Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
