Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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