Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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