ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
