i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize