a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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